In His Hands
by Jennifer


I lost my second child to an ectopic pregnancy on December 15, 2006. Due to the threat of my life, part of me was relieved to be well again. I had spent 3 agonizing weeks of feeling on the verge of losing my child and being powerless to prevent it. My life stopped during the pregnancy and I felt like my life was being suspended in time. However, a couple of days after my surgery, I met grief face to face. I questioned how I would connect to my almost 2 year old son in the same way and whether I could feel the same bond. My heart felt heavy, empty, and I became angry at God. It was hard to pray and my heart was bitter.

I knew in my heart I needed to turn the pain to Him, but my flesh was weak. Then God came to show me his love through a movie symbolic of Jesus laying down his life for all of humankind. I was overwhelmed with the reminder of this gift of His love and its power. In that tearful moment, the anger melted away, and there remained immense love. At that moment I think I realized that He was the answer to healing me and guiding me from this step forward. No one else could provide the peace I need.

Through my baby, Taylor, I have learned that my life has to rest completely in the Lord's hands. Whatever the future holds, whatever the outcome, is part of his Divine plan. And apart from unyeilding surrender of my life, as well as my baby's, peace can not be found.

My baby is in His arms, and the Lord wants me right there with our baby, resting in His hands.

I have learned that the loss of my baby and one of my fallopian tubes occurred to teach me to surrender all of my hopes, dreams, and life into His hands and let him unfold my future, according to his plans, not mine. After all, it is not my life to live anyway.

Comments: I am a counselor and have found the disappointments in life to be very revealing of our character and where we need to grow. I work with children and families and love my work.



© March 2007 by Jennifer. The author of this work has given full permission for its distribution, electronic or otherwise, as long as the entire work is presented in full, the author information from the bottom of the work is retained, and this copyright and permission is retained.


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