How Could I Have Known
by Tracy Chastain


How could I have known
Sitting there that day
Listening to the song that the church would play
That it would be my baby they were singing about that day

How could I have known that very day
God would be preparing me for what the doc would say

Here I sit a week later and I am grieving your loss
And yet in heaven you sit, because Jesus died on the cross

I can just picture your little body
Tucked close to God I know
Holding you and loving you in His arms you’ll grow

Still I miss the dreams I held for you
I miss that I will never hear your laugh
I miss talking to you and dancing with you
And I miss singing Mr. Sun in the bath

I miss the feeling of just knowing that you were here with me
Getting bigger and stronger until one day I could see
How much hair you had on that head from the heartburn you caused me
And if you had your Daddy’s eyes, or maybe Mommy’s nose
I wanted to see your little mouth and count your 10 little toes

But those are just dreams now since to heaven you flew
But my little child I know that God is taking care of you
I can just see you dancing on those golden streets
Or swinging with my Grandma
Or running so fast you fall
But never scrape a knee
because this is heaven after all

I wonder if you’re watching me cry over you
I bet you can’t even understand the pain
I bet the love you feel up there is so heavenly That earthly love just seems plain

Still, I wish you could have met your sisters and your dad
They all miss you and all are so very sad
But this is not goodbye for good or even so long
This is just a holding place until we go to heaven where we belong

So I guess I have no choice but to let you go
And try to be strong
But don’t think for just a minute that my life you did not change
Just in the short time that you were here my life you rearranged

Because of you my dreams got bigger and my waist got bigger too
My eyes shone brighter, my days were lighter, and my heart just grew and grew

I thank you for your time here, I miss you little one
I love you my baby, my daughter or my son


I had an early miscarriage and then got pregnant again that very next cycle. I then found out at almost 8 weeks gestation I needed emergency surgery; this baby was ectopic. After being unable to get pregnant for 5 years, this was devastating. Baby Chastain (heaven date 6/02) & Baby Skyler (8/23/02) are remembered and loved by Mom and Dad & 4 sisters. Gone but never forgotten!


© August 2002 by Tracy Chastain. This work is protected by copyright and may be distributed or published only with the express written permission from its author. You may, without permission, publish or otherwise provide the URL (web address) of this page.


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