When a Child Dies
by Rose DesRochers
Children are a gift and losing a child is something that few really understand. Even a brief life offers so much that is special. My Daughter Katie Lindsey Rose, died July 1992. She was just five weeks old. I held Katie after she died and will never forget Katie as a person as my daughter.
Many parents struggle with talking about the death of their child. It is easier to talk about the death of your Mother, Father, your wife or husband than your child. But, this is often a time that you do want to talk or share feelings.
After your child dies you have feelings of disbelief, denial, anger, depression, hopelessness, and guilt. You experience loss of appetite and sleep patterns change. You cannot get through the mourning alone. It is important to talk about the death, what you're feeling and remember that it's ok to cry.
The doctor came into the room. The operation was over. He sat down and started to tell my husband and I about the surgery. During the surgery there was a blood clot that burst and Katie died instantly.
How could I go home without my baby? Shock was not the word for what I felt. Katie's been gone 14 years now. I remember just after she died, everyone was right there offering to help me, and then the people stopped visiting and calling. I would see people in the grocery store, and they would look at me, turn their head, and walk off, as if I had some contagious disease that they could catch. I remember a mother had her baby the same time as Katie. She said to me, "I'm so glad it was not my daughter.”
Anger is very common following the death of a child. In fact following any death you may find yourself angry at the world and those around you. You find yourself saying my child should not have died.
How do you imagine life without your child? "They were too young, and too good. Why God Why? I can't survive without my child. All of these are common feelings. It is common to become over protective of your living children in fear that you will loose [sic] another child.
Please know that you are never alone. It’s ok to say I hurt, to say I'm scared, and to say I need a friend. No matter how old your child is when they die, the pain of loosing your child is still the same. It’s very difficult for most to find the words of comfort and bereaved parent, but there are places you can turn, people you can talk to when you feel your loosing it. You can't do this on your own.
Katie had suffered from congenital heart disease. “Congenital is defined as inborn or existing at birth. Among the terms you may hear are congenital heart defect, congenital heart disease and congenital cardiovascular disease. The word "defect" is more accurate than "disease." A congenital cardiovascular defect occurs when the heart or blood vessels near the heart don't develop normally before birth.”
Katie’s story is just one of a million parents' stories out there. As I surf the net, I found so many, but there is help.
Rose DesRochers is the founder of Today's Woman Writing Community http://www.todays-woman.net, a supportive online writing community for men and women over 18.
Rose DesRochers personal blog can be read at http://www.rosedesrochers.com
Rose DesRochers
Founder & Ceo of Today's Woman Writing Community
One of Writer's Digest 101 Best Websites for Writer's
You may reach Rose via email for comments.
© 2006 by Rose DesRochers. This work is protected by copyright and may be distributed or published only with the express written permission from its author. You may, without permission, publish or otherwise provide the URL (web address) of this page.
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